Memory Lane

Wow, what a week it's been. I have taken three walks down memory lane (in my mind) with three of my very significant exes.

The first was with Richard, with whom I'm now friends with on facebook (how much do I love my new addiction?). Ahhh, Richard. What can I say about him? He was my greatest romance. He and I were in love so deep, I couldn't see day light. He made me feel like no one else ever had, or has ever since. We have to remember, that I was 18 when I fell in love with this young man of 17. It was extremely intense, as all loves at that age are. But it was so romantic and he entered my life at a time when I was starting to find myself. He helped define who I am today. I will always cherish the love we shared for it was ... amazing. He was also the one who broke my heart the deepest, and the scars run deep from that. It was a devastating break up and it took me years to get over him...completely over him. Up until about 13 years ago, had he come back and said: "Kelly, come with me and be with me.", I'd have picked up everything and gone...no questions asked. There's a lot of water under the bridge and I totally forgive all from this man. He's a good man, and I know he's got a kind heart and what happened to us is what happens to most young people in love. No hard feelings whatsoever.

Then, there's David. Now...let's talk hard feelings. I never should have married David. David was a complete rebound from Richard. He even looked like Richard (should have been my first clue, right?) Anyway, we did marry and it was again, disastrous. And didn't I see him this week. Amazing. He looks good...a little thin maybe, but ... that's his problem. We were civil to each other, which was nice because he's been so nasty to me since he left me for my bridesmaid. HELLO!!!...if anyone has reason to be hostile to anyone, it's me to him!! Sheesh! But again....water under the bridge. That was 17 years ago we were married and separated, and I'm so thankful that things turned out the way they did. I shouldn't make it sound like it was all bad, because it wasn't. We never fought (just the one argument about his doing hits of acid...oooo, I was mad), and he was so romantic and made me feel like I was a princess. Yeah! Whatever! See what that did for me. Lesson learned!

But before David, and before Richard and before all the others, there was Joey. Joey was my first for so many things, all of which matter. He has always been tucked away in my heart and kept very sacred. Well, thanks to the wonders of facebook, I have found this man again, and we had a nice little exchange of messages that just reaffirms that he is the gentleman from my past. As young as I was with Richard, I was so much younger with Joey, and it was he who showed me what it felt like to be loved by a boy. I have such wonderful memories of him. *sigh* In our exchange of messages tonight, he said some pretty wonderful things to me that every old girlfriend wants an ex to say, and even though these words made me cry, they made my spirit soar. So thank you Joey...for still being a gentleman.

Now, despite this little walk down memory lane, with all the memories that came flooding back to me, the reality of the relationship that I have now is not lost on me. I am who I am today because of these men, and it's that woman that Kenny fell in love with. I'm not saying I'm perfect, by any stretch, but I am a good wife, and I love my husband of nearly 11 years more and more every day. Together, we have built a life that is not without its struggles and hardships, but no matter what is going on, I am certain he has my back, and I have his. He's a man of strong character and has an unwavering sense of right and wrong. I love that about him. He is the guy who, if you were stuck, would pull you out of whatever kind of hole you've fallen into. He is brilliant with children and they love him (he's a big child himself). Unfortunately, he is THE most UNromantic man I've been with (and I miss being romanced), but look at where romance has gotten me in the past! No ... romance is nice, but I have been lucky enough to experience it. If the cost of having a great romance is a broken heart at the end of it, then I'm fine without it. So, a knight on a white horse my Kenny is not, but he's the most solid...the most trustworthy and he's the one who holds my heart. He is my life, my love, my soul, my everything. He's the father of my children...a gift I am so grateful for.

Joey, Richard & David are all huge pieces of my past and for them, I am grateful. I believe that everything happens for a reason, even if you cannot possibly see what that reason is until much later. If I could go back and relive my life, I wouldn't change a thing.