Help me, I'm surrounded...

Ahhh, family. Ya gotta love 'em. Whether it's a crazy mother or an over zealous husband, they're yours and sometimes you just have to go with it.

Case in point:

My husband and I have been discussing and toying with the idea of having a yard sale. Now from what I understand, because I've never actually put one one before, these things take a lot of preparation and is probably best done by both the heads of the house hold. This week, my husband decides the deed will take place this Saturday. He's in school during the day this week. I am working evenings. There is no time to pull this together, but I'm letting go of my inner control freak and letting him run with it. I ask him what he wants me to do to help and I get a statement like: "Just go through things and decide what you want to go out in the sale."

I want the contents of the basement gone, (save my trusty computer here), but somehow, I don't think that's what he meant.

So after I finish this post, I shall go through things and decide what goes and what stays. Really, the best time to get me involved is when I'm in purging-mode. Not when I'm on my 3rd consecutive day of less than 4.5 hours (total) sleep per night. I am irrational, I am forgetful and I am tittering on cranky. Do not involve me in anything that requires great thought.

Which leads me to the other current family member who's lost their mind:

My mother.

I had just picked up my father from his new place of employment. Now, just let me say here that my father is nearly 68 years old. The man has provided for his family all his adult life and he deserves to retire. No sir! My mother, the money grubbing, selfish woman that she is has sent him back out into the work force to make money so he's driving children around to school for various day cares. He's a good guy to do that, he's a great grampy and has a certain grampy-esque about him that kids can relate to. And I love my dad. He's the greatest.

Back to my mother.

So I go into the house this morning after picking up my father and taking him home, to say hello to the woman who gave me life. She's sitting on the bed, curling her hair and I notice right off...there's something wrong with her face. Hmm...what is it? Then she looks at me.

Oh, dear God, she's started to draw on herself!!!

She took her eyeliner pencil and drew in her eyebrows. My mother, who has very light eyebrows, and very little hair, which she dyes blond, has decided that her eyebrows are non-existent and feels she should correct this by drawing in, using BLACK EYELINER, brand spanking new eyebrows.

She looks hideous!!

But mum and I have a love/hate relationship. Whenever we're within 10 feet of each other, the backs are up and claws are ready to come out. She's overly critical of everything I do, and I am the same with her. So when I look at her with what was I'm sure, a very furrowed brow of my own, she said: "STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT...WHAT?????? WHAT'S WRONG???"

"Nothing! I'm not saying a thing 'cuz you'll get mad at me!"

"No I won't! Just tell me what's wrong!"

Ok..she asked for it!!

"What the hell did you do to your eyebrows??"

"Shut up Kelly!!"

Do I leave it alone. Of course not...I am HER daughter!!!

"I mean ... MUM! You look like Bozo the clown!! What did you do? You can't go out looking like THAT!!!" How's that for sensitive???

"Shut up (once is never enough)! I have no eyebrows so I had to colour them in!"

"Using WHAT???", I ask.

"Black eyeliner", she replies as if it was the most ridiculous question in the world.

My eyes bugged out, I simply shook my head and giggled softly to myself. Then I look at her and tell her she needs to at the very least blend the line. Seriously...straight, black line, over her eye.

By this time, she's really annoyed with me and I'm feeling that my welcome in my childhood home is quickly fading. My father is out in the kitchen making his breakfast so I go have a few words with him before I come home to start my day.

"Daddy, how long has she been drawing on herself??" I ask.

He giggles.

"You can't let her leave the house like that, she looks ridiculous!!"

Laughter..."What do you want me to do about it!"

And right there, ladies and gentlemen is why my mother does exactly what she wants, when she wants to whom she wants. There is no one to stand up to her when she's being irrational, stupid, mean, or ridiculous.

Except me, and that's why we have the love/hate relationship. She's the woman who gave me life, and for that, as a daughter...I have to love her. But man, does she make it hard to like her!