Sean-isms

I think I'm going to have to start a new site, or blog just for Sean-isms. My God that kid kills me.

I was just putting him to bed (for the 3rd time) when he says to me: "Mummy, you need a rest. Lay down here and we'll talk." Who am I to refute that?? So I lay down beside my 5 year old sweet boy when he turns his back to me and asks: "Do you have enough room, Mummy?" and when I said I did he said, in this very affirmative voice: "Good, we both have enough for our personal space. Everyone needs their personal space!"

I laughed and laughed and laughed.

Who is putting these grown up ideas in my baby's mind? Is it me? Not likely. I'm selfishly trying to keep him my baby. Oh, dear God...it's the public school system. It's a plot to take my babies from me and turn them into...*gulp*...non-babies.

No one told me in the brochure that I had to relinquish my babies to strangers after only having them for 5 years!! This sucks!!

It does, however, make for some really interesting conversations with my kids. Some of the stuff that they say....too funny. Now I know I tend to go on about Sean because, well...he's just to frigging funny. But Ryan has a few choice moments of his own. Only lately with this kid...he's starting to express his "rights". He's quickly learning however that rights are given to him and not something he's born with. I am the Supreme Commander and CEO of Preston, Inc. (Riverview Chapter) and the sooner he understands that, the happier his little life will be.

*snicker*

Memory Lane

Wow, what a week it's been. I have taken three walks down memory lane (in my mind) with three of my very significant exes.

The first was with Richard, with whom I'm now friends with on facebook (how much do I love my new addiction?). Ahhh, Richard. What can I say about him? He was my greatest romance. He and I were in love so deep, I couldn't see day light. He made me feel like no one else ever had, or has ever since. We have to remember, that I was 18 when I fell in love with this young man of 17. It was extremely intense, as all loves at that age are. But it was so romantic and he entered my life at a time when I was starting to find myself. He helped define who I am today. I will always cherish the love we shared for it was ... amazing. He was also the one who broke my heart the deepest, and the scars run deep from that. It was a devastating break up and it took me years to get over him...completely over him. Up until about 13 years ago, had he come back and said: "Kelly, come with me and be with me.", I'd have picked up everything and gone...no questions asked. There's a lot of water under the bridge and I totally forgive all from this man. He's a good man, and I know he's got a kind heart and what happened to us is what happens to most young people in love. No hard feelings whatsoever.

Then, there's David. Now...let's talk hard feelings. I never should have married David. David was a complete rebound from Richard. He even looked like Richard (should have been my first clue, right?) Anyway, we did marry and it was again, disastrous. And didn't I see him this week. Amazing. He looks good...a little thin maybe, but ... that's his problem. We were civil to each other, which was nice because he's been so nasty to me since he left me for my bridesmaid. HELLO!!!...if anyone has reason to be hostile to anyone, it's me to him!! Sheesh! But again....water under the bridge. That was 17 years ago we were married and separated, and I'm so thankful that things turned out the way they did. I shouldn't make it sound like it was all bad, because it wasn't. We never fought (just the one argument about his doing hits of acid...oooo, I was mad), and he was so romantic and made me feel like I was a princess. Yeah! Whatever! See what that did for me. Lesson learned!

But before David, and before Richard and before all the others, there was Joey. Joey was my first for so many things, all of which matter. He has always been tucked away in my heart and kept very sacred. Well, thanks to the wonders of facebook, I have found this man again, and we had a nice little exchange of messages that just reaffirms that he is the gentleman from my past. As young as I was with Richard, I was so much younger with Joey, and it was he who showed me what it felt like to be loved by a boy. I have such wonderful memories of him. *sigh* In our exchange of messages tonight, he said some pretty wonderful things to me that every old girlfriend wants an ex to say, and even though these words made me cry, they made my spirit soar. So thank you Joey...for still being a gentleman.

Now, despite this little walk down memory lane, with all the memories that came flooding back to me, the reality of the relationship that I have now is not lost on me. I am who I am today because of these men, and it's that woman that Kenny fell in love with. I'm not saying I'm perfect, by any stretch, but I am a good wife, and I love my husband of nearly 11 years more and more every day. Together, we have built a life that is not without its struggles and hardships, but no matter what is going on, I am certain he has my back, and I have his. He's a man of strong character and has an unwavering sense of right and wrong. I love that about him. He is the guy who, if you were stuck, would pull you out of whatever kind of hole you've fallen into. He is brilliant with children and they love him (he's a big child himself). Unfortunately, he is THE most UNromantic man I've been with (and I miss being romanced), but look at where romance has gotten me in the past! No ... romance is nice, but I have been lucky enough to experience it. If the cost of having a great romance is a broken heart at the end of it, then I'm fine without it. So, a knight on a white horse my Kenny is not, but he's the most solid...the most trustworthy and he's the one who holds my heart. He is my life, my love, my soul, my everything. He's the father of my children...a gift I am so grateful for.

Joey, Richard & David are all huge pieces of my past and for them, I am grateful. I believe that everything happens for a reason, even if you cannot possibly see what that reason is until much later. If I could go back and relive my life, I wouldn't change a thing.

The end is near...

Yes, it's August. The END of August. A time where we bit farewell (and good riddance) to the hot, sticky nights and we say hello to a new beginning: the school year. Never mind January 1st being a new beginning...I feel the new year begins in September, and this year I have both my boys are going to be in school.

Please excuse me while I take a moment!

*sigh*

Okay...I'll be alright!

There's a lot of hustle and bustle here in the Preston house to get them ready, with school supplies, hair cuts (which reminds me, I gotta get out of here in about 5 minutes to take them to get their hair cut) and school clothes. I'm glad I have boys because they don't really care what they wear, or whether or not it's new. In that regard, this'll be easy. The hard part will be being here, at home while both kids are at school. With Ryan gone, I still had Sean to care for at home. But now....I have Kenny and he's all grown up ... haha! I'm going to miss my Sean so much and it's that that I'm having a hard time with.

*sigh*

It's off to get their hair cut...just one more thing to check off as "done" for the new school year!

Ya gotta love Ryan...bless his literal heart!!

I have a funny "Ryan" story. Usually, it's Sean who cracks me up, but tonite, Ryan trumped Sean BIG TIME!!

I'm downstairs on the computer (checking facebook....I'm addicted) when I hear Ryan singing out for me rather urgently from upstairs:

"Mummy...MUMMY!!!"

"Come here and talk to me Ryan, I'm downstairs!"

Pitter....patter....pitter....patter go my flat footed little man.

"MUMMY...WAL*MART IS LOWERING THEIR PRICES!!!!"

did he just say...what I think he just said??

"What, baby?", I ask.

"WAL*MART IS LOWERING THEIR PRICES!!!!! ISN'T THAT GREAT?? NOW WE CAN GO BUY LOTS OF THINGS BECAUSE IT WON'T COST AS MUCH!!"

Kudos to the marketing department at Wal*Mart!

Some friends come..some go..some come back from extended holidays

Life is funny. At least, I think it is. I've reached a certain age where I'm comfortable with how things are and with who I am. Then, things will happen to take me aback.

Without going into the gory details, I was lied to by a person I had trusted. Not that that's new to me. I've been lied to and betrayed quite often in my life, but not in many years. And these lies caused a third person a great deal of pain, which compounded my feelings because of this. It's hard to really express what I mean without giving details, which I'm not about to do, but suffice to say that I lost a friend this week and while I was quite upset about it at first, the logical side of me talked to the sensitive side of me and now...we're ok with that.

But like many things in life, when a door closes a window opens. I have recently renewed a friendship with an old school chum, Kelly Fisher with whom I was extremely close to in Jr. High School. We shared not only first names and a last initial, but many laughs and memories...and firsts. She was a very important part of my life and then, one day when we were in high school...she just wasn't there anymore. I really don't remember why or how it happened, and it really doesn't matter. We have (through the wonder that is facebook) reconnected and are once again, sharing some great laughs, and we've only met up 3 times so far. She's as vibrant and fun as she was in Jr. High and still has great skin (I'm so jealous!). She also has two really great kids, whom I hope to get to know better, and a very nice man in her life. I'm happy with this rekindled friendship.

As far as friendships go, I'm lucky. Case in point...Kathy. My bestest pal. My rock. The ying to my yang. My conscience. My right arm. Where would I be today with out her...I shudder to think. As with Kelly, my friendship with Kathy had taken different paths, but somehow, we always found our way back to each other. She was my maid of honour when I married David, in the court room when I divorced David, and she was my maid of honour when I married Kenny. She's my constant. I thank God for her often.

Then...there's Lisa. Lisa's A.W.O.L. right now because she's found love. And of course, I'm thrilled for her. She deserves to be happy because she's an awesome chick! I miss her though, but like all the other important friends in my life, we'll find our way back. We always do.

Last, but not least...Mrs. Mitchell. The funniest pairing of the bunch, I'd say. We grew up knowing each other but thinking we hated each other...part of a diabolical plot to keep us apart as friends which, in 1994 backfired. We are SUPER FRIENDS and I love this woman dearly. I cannot go through much more than 24 hours without talking to her, and her me or we both start going through withdrawals. I've instructed her that she now needs to keep her cell phone on her person and turned on at all times, except when she's with me...then she can turn it off and ignore Ross (her husband) who usually calls a zillion times when were together. Sheesh!! She & Kathy are the same person, split in two solely for my amusement and entertainment, I'm convinced of that.

I've been very reflective lately and I love putting down my feelings...I'd say on paper, but quite frankly I can type way faster than I can write. Not to mention the computer has spellcheck which is helpful to someone like me who can't spell her way out of a wet paper bag. But like I was saying, I have been reflective and thinking of how short a time we all have here, and what we do with it, the people we meet, the things we do...how they affect us. I guess part of my newly awakened awareness comes from entering the last year of my 30's. I just want to stop putting things off and I want to get rid of the word "later" from my vocabulary. If not now, then when...right? So with this new line of thinking, and the events of the past week or so, I've been thinking how lucky I am to have all that I have with my friendships...old and new. Blessings are fun to count when you've got so many!

For sale...5 year old...cheap!!!

For those of you who have children, or are familiar with them, you know that God made 'em cute so that you don't kill 'em. Enter SeanMike. Now this little fellow is indeed one of God's cutest creations. He's also one of the lippiest! What a kid!! He's at that age where he'll ask me if he can do something and I try not to say "no" too often because then it just causes resentment, but when I do say no, I expect that my child who is doing the asking of ... whatever ... heeds my words and the conversation comes to an end. Such is not the case with little Mr. Man. My God he's argumentative. Who does the get that from? Not me!!--ahem-- He truly is my father-in-law thru and thru, God rest his soul. My father-in-law, Lorne, was a truly wonderful man whom we lost to cancer in January, 2001, nearly a year before Sean was born. He would have loved Sean so much because the two of them are two peas in a pod. People used to comment that Lorne had dancing eyes. The same people will make the same observation in Sean. I certainly am going to work to earn my "good mummy" status with this kid. He's head strong, he's argumentative, and he's stubborn. But my God, he's beautiful. And he's the funniest person I've ever met. No one can make me laugh like Sean can.

He was using the washroom yesterday and when he was done, I had to remind him (again!) to wash his hands. Of course he lied to me (again!) and said he did. I told him I didn't hear any water run, therefore I knew he lied to me and to get his arse back in the bathroom and wash his hands.

"Why do I have to??", he shouts!

"Because you need to wash all the poop germs off your hands!", says I.

He mutters something under his breath and I hear the water run for all of 3 seconds and then the comment, dripping with attitude:

"There, did ya hear the water THAT time??"

OH, my GOD!!! Kenny & I just giggled, and then we had to put our amused face away and be parents. But I'm telling you, it's harder and harder these days to hide the fact that the kid kills us on a regular basis.

So now, I'm 39

July 1st marks the birthday of our great country, which turned 140 yesterday. It would have been Princess Diana's 46th birthday, and I enjoyed the concert that Princes William and Harry put on yesterday (wish I were in London, but that goes without saying). It also marked my 39th year! I was born at 11:something pm on July 1st, 1968, so today is my first full day of the last year of my 30's. When did this happen, this getting old? Now usually when we talk about age, the fact that my number seems to be increasing at an alarming rate doesn't bother me. However, this morning I had gotten up early and gone for a little walk with my new iPod and had some alone time to be with my thoughts. I was thinking how great my 30's were and how sad it sort of is to be leaving them. I had my kids in my 30's. I discovered who I am in my 30's. I also wrecked my body in my 30's and it's that thought that really rang bells in my head.

I see women who have gotten older and I now see a fuller meaning to "let themselves go". I have let myself go to a degree with my weight and my skin. I've not looked after myself the way I should have in the past and though I don't think I look 39 in my face, I certainly look it in other places. So as I embark on my 40's (in 364 days), I want to leave my baby-birthing-body behind. It has served me well and gave me my two beautiful boys. I was hoping that I'd have one more shot at having another baby, but I think it has set in that THAT is not going to happen. I'm a little sad about that, as I really wanted to have another. Unfortunately, due to the fact that I met the love of my life in my late 20's, my Mummy-life started later than I had wanted and this is the penalty. *sigh*

Like most people make resolutions on January 1st for a new year, I have made my own for the remainder of my 30's. This will be a work year for me. A time to work on myself not only to rid myself of my 30's flabby body, but the flabby mindset that goes with it. I start a new shift in the fall (days--ugh!) and with that, a new lifestyle. Time to get organized, time to get active, time to make time during the day for things that are productive. Now, if I can just get through the summer...

Summer fun

Ahhhhhh, summertime! True, not one of my favourite seasons, but it does have its....charms. I seriously hate the heat. I hate humidity more. And while I do like to take a quick dip in the boys pool to cool off, I'm rather thrilled when I have a friend invite me over for a dip in her rather larger pool.

Now, it has to be said that I work with THE most fun bunch of girls in the hospital. Some, of course are not people I would generally hang out with, but there are others I really truly enjoy being with.

Colleen being one of them. Kate being another.

So when Colleen calls me to go over to her house, it's just easier to say; 'Yes, Colleen, I'll be right there, Colleen!" Otherwise, it's a torturous barrage of "Come on Kelly, you old poop, get yer ass over here!" I went through it once before in the winter and I had a hard time living down the fact that I didn't go over. So now....there's a pool party and my attendance is mandatory. When I try to get out of it by saying the kids were in bed, we had just gotten home from Dad's birthday supper and I was in my jammies, the response from Colleen was: "So, get OUT of your jammies and get the hell over here!" *sigh* Then she hands the phone to Kate who is even more shameless. I believe her line was something like; "Kelly---YOU SUCK".

Shame...or dare...either way, I cannot back down!!

So, off come the jammies, I put on some clothes and off I went last weekend, to my Colleen's house to go swimming in her (heated) pool. Thank God it was heated because I was freezing, and what with knowing I don't like the heat, it had to be pretty darn cool for me to be freezing. I had warned her that I certainly wasn't sufficiently shaved to go swimming, but that didn't seem to matter (only to Joel, apparently!) When I arrived, Colleen, Kate and Kate's friend Jen were all there and had been knee deep in alcoholic beverages that her house boy CoCo kept feeding them in the evening (house boy=husband Joel) so my little friends were all very joyous upon my arrival, but it wasn't seeing me that made them so happy. No, no! But they were happy they had shamed me into coming over...they WON!!

I go in to the house to change and I do a cannon-ball into the water that is bath-time warm. There is steam rising off the water, it was that warm, and the air was that cool. I had a blast, and I'm really glad that I was shamed into going over. I really like these girls very much....they're good people. A little kooky, but loads of fun. Not to mention a little unpredictable.

The conversation went in a direction I sooooooo did not see coming. We were talking about skinny dipping. Had any of us done it. Colleen has (of course she had....she has a pool). I had (Kathy Kinnie's pool in grade...um..what was it?....6?....7?...I can't remember) and of course Kenny & I do from time to time in the boys' little pool (what rebels we are!!). But Kate & Jen had never. Colleen was floored. So...in their drunken state...they thought that then and there was as good a time as any!! Jen needed no coaxing, nor did Colleen. Kate was a bit apprehensive and me? Well...I was still stunned at the turn in the night's events. I went from bundled in my warm house, with my warm husband to a pool in the cool night air and possibly becoming nekked!!

Sure....what the fuck!

Colleen turns the lights out, so it's REALLY dark and we can't see each other, and off come the suits. I have to tell you...it had been YEARS since I've skinny dipped with a bunch of friends and it's funny!! I think when you're young, you start out with little inhibitions. Then you get a bit older, and think that maybe doing things like that aren't such a good idea, maybe. Then, you get to be my age, and Kate's and Colleen's and apparently you regress to the whole screw-it mind set. And it was fun.

So now when I see Colleen or Kate at work, I know we'll just giggle to each other. For the term "Full Moon" has taken on a whole new meaning!

My Old Man

My Dad--November, 2006
My Dad--on a cake!--June 23, 2007

**********My Dad!**********

He's my guy. My first "love". The guy I could always talk to. The guy who tells me dirty jokes and we sit and giggle over them. The guy whom I love to watch (and listen) tell a story. The guy who was my source of all things good as a child. I just love my dad.

And yesterday, he turned 68 years old.

I appreciate that fact that I am 38 (nearly 39) years old and I still am blessed enough to have this man in my life, and in the lives of my children. I can't even fathom my world without him in it. When I think of my relationship with him I wonder why I'm so much closer to him than I am with my mother. Is it that we're allies in the defense of mom's anger? Maybe. I don't really know. What I do know is as a kid, and even now he's the parent I can talk to without judgement. He listens to me. He only gives me a "You should..." when asked. He talks to me like I'm an adult. Maybe that's why!

I also think there's something to the whole "father-daughter" thing and the "mother-son" thing. Being a mum to two boys, I totally see the latter. Growing up, I also saw it with my mom and her boys. She always had more time for them...more patience...more--understanding. It took me a long time to be OK with that, but I now see that I got the better end of it. I got my dad. The boys always were able to talk to mom about things. I could never. They (or at least Troy) find it hard to talk to dad. It's funny isn't it?

So...here's to my father....my Old Man! May he live for another...well...may he live the rest of his years with health and happiness, and may he live with these traits for many, many years to come!

Phewph! Was that fast!

Well, it's done! My big brother is in his rental SUV headed back to Halifax where he flies out tomorrow morning early for Alberta. His lovely wife left on Thursday, as she had to get back for work! The big visit has come and gone.

Phewph! I'm exhausted!!

Everyone was on their best behaviour, I believe and as far as I can tell, there were no hurt feelings anywhere. I was EXTREMELY nice to my mother which is a feat all in itself, and everyone seemed to have really enjoyed the last two weeks. The weather could have been a little more cooperative, but what are you going to do...it's all part and parcel of living in the Maritimes and what makes us "us"!

So thanks, Derrick & Nicole for a great visit. It was so great to see you again and I know I speak for the kidlets when I say: "We love you and we miss you already!"

Out of the mouths of babes

We all know that children are innocent. They are mirrors to the reality that we sometimes deny or just choose to ignore - for now. Yesterday, my Sean was standing in front of me and looks up into the face of his mother while getting a hug. He then looks at me and very sweetly says: "Mummy, you have two chins." Of course, this isn't a malicious comment. It's just an observation. Yep...you're right Sean. Mummy has two chins.

Fuck!

Ok...so that, along with several photos taken of myself at a certain birthday party last weekend has sprung me into action. I will be 39 next weekend. The last year of my 30's. My, how they've been good to me and I'll be sorry to see them go. I have enjoyed my 30's immensely...so much so that I've decided to bring a lot of what's happened with me...in the form of F-A-T! Ugh! I've decided that I do not want to become one of these women who not only grow older, but wider. I do not want to be in my 40's and struggling to move, struggling with decreasing health, and struggling to fit into non-old-lady wears. So, the "two chin" comment sealed the deal. It's time.

They say that women do reach a point in their lives where they say; 'that's it!...I'm losing weight'. I've always said that I needed to lose weight, but it's a really hard thing to do. It did take me nearly 20 years to pack on the extra poundage I'm carrying around, so I know it's going to take a while to take it off. That thought is daunting. But I have reached the pinnacle...IT IS TIME!

Now I don't really have a horrible diet. In fact, I eat a lot of chicken, fish and very little red meat. What I do eat a lot of is: CHIPS (my most favourite snack), potatoes w/butter, pasta, and the like. I think that it's these things I need to be careful of and watch. That, and I need to get off me arse and get moving. So I've done that. I started on Sunday and as of yesterday, I've already lost 2 pounds. I want to lose 2 pounds a week for the next 25 weeks and see where I end up. That brings me to the week before Christmas. The road will be bumpy, but I'm up for it.

You know what scares me? That when I lose the fat in my face, my wrinkles will come out of hiding. Eeeeeeeeek!

Wish me luck!

A funny "boy" story

I am amazed at my little boys. They're curious, they're funny, and they're silly. Let me tell you about a little story...

I was getting ready for work one day, and it was nearly 3:00pm ... about the time I leave for my 3:30 shift. Sean comes running upstairs from the basement chanting; "I have to poop-I have to poop!" He goes to the bathroom to do his thing. No problem...he's a big boy, and he can do that himself. Not 30 seconds after Sean gets himself naked (because he couldn't be expected to poo with his shirt & socks on, now could he?) and has himself planted firmly on the flush, comes Ryan, chanting his own chant; "I have to pee-I have to pee!" I try to stop him and tell him to use the flush down stairs, but I'm too late.

I hear the familiar noise of pee hitting the flush water. But how could that be if Sean is already sitting on the flush having a poo?? Well ... let me tell you!

I walk from my room to the washroom door to see what I feared...Sean sitting on the flush with his legs open in a "V" shape and Ryan peeing in between the "V". Now Sean doesn't seem to mind this invasion of privacy, nor does Ryan seem to mind that his brother is having a poo on the flush. They are, in fact carrying on a conversation when I appear at the door screaming: "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? ARE YOU CRAZY??"

Ryan looks up at me with those big blue eyes and I urge him to watch what he's doing so that he doesn't pee on his brother. So he turns back and then shivers (you know...the kind that men do when they pee) and he does, indeed, pee on his brother!!! Sean, who usually has a terrible temper, is still just sitting there, wondering why I've gone mad and his brother is in trouble. Like sharing the loo with one another is the absolute most natural thing in the world.

Is there such a thing that brothers could be too close???

So Ryan finishes, finally and gets himself zipped and off he goes off to wait for more of Mummy's ranting on the hygiene and privacy aspects of relieving oneself. Meanwhile, I'm washing up Sean's legs and I'm telling him; "Don't let your brother pee on you" to which he replies; "Okay, Mummy!"

Innocence.

After the whole scene was over, I stepped back and saw the humour in it. It is a funny story...and one I'm saving for their teen years.

For the love of Derrick...*snicker*

Ahhhhhh, vacation. I started two weeks vacation today and I have to say, I'm feeling a little lazy and quite relaxed, despite the buzz that surrounds the family. You see, it's now 1pm, and sometime between now and midnight tonight, the prodigal son will return to his childhood home, and with him-his bride. Personally, I'm stoked. Since Derrick has become human, he's really fun to be around. It's so nice that he has graduated from big-brother-pod-person to human being, that we can actually have conversations now and you know...he's kind of an interesting, funny guy! He married a lovely girl, whom I don't know well, but am glad that she has agreed to come back to the Maritimes to visit with her in-laws (and I hope that some of them are better behaved this time around) and perhaps I will get to know her more. Now, it's been two years since he's been home (3 for her) so the excitement and the fervor that has been building comes from missing him, and my mother's need for everything to be (in her eyes) perfect. Perfection for my mother is all in the presentation: the food, the flowers, what she's wearing, how people around her behave. Personally, I think that what would constitute everything being perfect is making sure that everyone was kind to one another, relaxed, happy and there was no snapping at those you love.

But we are talking about my mother.

In her need to make everything perfect for HER (she's the ultimate control freak!), her feathers are easily ruffled! I have vowed, out of love for the men in my life (Dad, Derrick, Troy, Kenny & the boys), and my sister-in-law, to be on my best behaviour so as to not get under her skin, or "pick on her", as she says that's what I do. I did take an opportunity this morning to remind her to be nice though, which went over (as my father would say) like a lead-fart. She jumped all over me and I simply said: "See! I'm just saying, you've been snapping at Dad all morning" (well...she was!) "...and I don't want you to ruin this visit because you've got yourself all worked up!" She told me it was because I attack her and she gets defensive, so I made her the promise...I'll behave, and I won't pick on her....BUT...if she starts picking on anyone, I will straighten her out!

She seemed cool with that.

So...we wait. Derrick is famous for arriving HOURS later than he is expected but because he's Derrick....everyone just smiles and says; "It's good to have you home!" I have learned not to wait for my big brother...it's futile. So, Sean, Ryan and I are going to hang out, do our homework, and just enjoy the fact that I am on vacation.

Because, as we all know....it's all about ME anyway!!! ;-)

Garbage pickers

I just don't understand this phenomenon that happens twice a year.

In the spring and the fall, we have a "clean up" wherein everyone purges their old wares and puts them to the end of the driveway, off to the side for the refuse-engineers to collect and take away!

But before they can do their job, the elusive garbage pickers emerge and rummage through your garbage and this, for some reason, makes me uncomfortable. I threw it out. It's trash! If it was good, I'd have kept it!!

But Kenny made me throw out my tapes last night. All my tapes. Now, I have no idea what was in the huge box containing my 80's & early 90's music, but I do know that a lot of work went into making many of those tapes. But, I haven't listened to them in 10 years or so, so why hang on to them. What is bothering me so, is I saw a man going through my garbage and leafing through my tapes. I was coming back from the store with Sean when I saw a truck pulled up to the side of the road in front of our house. This old fella was rummaging through my tapes. He didn't bat an eyelash when I pulled into the driveway, he just kept looking...like he was at an HMV, for God's sake!! Then, as I go into my back door I take one last look at this stranger going through my stuff and I see him walking away with a hand full of tapes AND my tape case that held roughly 60 tapes.

Where the hell was he going?

I wanted to yell out to him; "Hey...what do you think you're doing?", but what would be the point!!?? I threw them out. Well...to be accurate, Kenny threw them out. My mind starts working...what was ON those self-recorded tapes? Anything incriminating?

My mind is searching the archives in my brain...what did I put on tape? Anything naughty? Anything personal? OH, dear God, the anxiety!!

After a deep breathe, I'm fine. Maybe he needs to listen to Wilson Phillips more than I do!!

LIVE LONG AND PROSPER, DUDE!!

The aftermath...

In the spirit of nostalgia, and the fact that my oldest baby turned 7 yesterday, let's take a short trip down memory lane through pictures:

This is Nanny & Grampy P visiting with Gerald Ryan in the NNICU. Ryan was born at 35 weeks so had to go the NNICU to make sure all was well. He spent 6 days there.
This is Ryan @ 3 months. Kathy took this and it is still one of my favourite pics of my little man.
This is Ryan at Sarah's birthday party. He's just over a year old here. How cute is he??
Ryan at 19 months old. All eyes and lips.
Ryan's 4 here. All dirty and digging...his life's work!!

*********

Yesterday was a good day. Ryan is now officially 7, and is less one tooth which brings the number of baby teeth gone now to...6. He lost his tooth in his sleep and though we thought he swallowed it, we did manage to find it as he was tucked in last night. We took the birthday boy and some of his friends to the zoo to celebrate the day. It was ... interesting. Let me just say a couple of things and then I shall never speak of this event again:

• I shall never complain about the "hyper-ness" of my boys again,



• ADHD medications should be given out to some children manditorily (is that a word?),



• NEVER AGAIN will I mix a certain 3 boys in one room again (and I'm not speaking about my children).

Thankfully, it was 2 hours and then it was over. Then it was back home for more festivities with friends and family. It was a long day, but Ryan had a blast. Kenny had filled the pool up on Saturday and the kids were swimming in water that was about...15 degrees Celsius. There were many a kid with blue lips and shivering bodies. But they had fun and that's all that mattered. We ate early, and everyone was gone by 10 after 6. I was asleep by 8 on the couch.

I have lost my voice, I feel pretty shabbily and today it's raining and grey. Almost like mother nature is saying: Kelly...you rest today.

But there is no rest for the wicked. I have 5 days of neglect in this house to look after. Tomorrow, I shall rest....xo

Our first baby...is a baby no more!

Happy 7th Birthday to our Ryan

I can't believe this picture was taken 7 years ago today.

Hello, my name is Kelly, LPN-Extraordinaire!!!

After the stretch of work I've just pulled off, I've decided that I deserve this title and shall wear it proudly. We have been so short at work, it's ridiculous and has bordered on unsafe. Well ladies and gentlemen, tonite, we crossed over to VERY unsafe. But what are you going to do right? There is not Nurses Tree that we can just go pluck off a nurse and send her off to work. No sir! So I just smile, be polite, be helpful and create the illusion that all's well.

We needed at least 7 staff members at work tonite: at least 4 RNs, and 3 LPNs...at the very least. Nope...at 3:30, there were 4 RNs, and 2 LPNs and we were still run off our feet. But then, at 7:30 were had 2 RNs and 1 LPN (me!). We not only ran our feet off, but our asses too. So, when one of the patients asked me what my name was, I replied with smile:

My name is Kelly, LPN Extraordinaire!

Help me, I'm surrounded...

Ahhh, family. Ya gotta love 'em. Whether it's a crazy mother or an over zealous husband, they're yours and sometimes you just have to go with it.

Case in point:

My husband and I have been discussing and toying with the idea of having a yard sale. Now from what I understand, because I've never actually put one one before, these things take a lot of preparation and is probably best done by both the heads of the house hold. This week, my husband decides the deed will take place this Saturday. He's in school during the day this week. I am working evenings. There is no time to pull this together, but I'm letting go of my inner control freak and letting him run with it. I ask him what he wants me to do to help and I get a statement like: "Just go through things and decide what you want to go out in the sale."

I want the contents of the basement gone, (save my trusty computer here), but somehow, I don't think that's what he meant.

So after I finish this post, I shall go through things and decide what goes and what stays. Really, the best time to get me involved is when I'm in purging-mode. Not when I'm on my 3rd consecutive day of less than 4.5 hours (total) sleep per night. I am irrational, I am forgetful and I am tittering on cranky. Do not involve me in anything that requires great thought.

Which leads me to the other current family member who's lost their mind:

My mother.

I had just picked up my father from his new place of employment. Now, just let me say here that my father is nearly 68 years old. The man has provided for his family all his adult life and he deserves to retire. No sir! My mother, the money grubbing, selfish woman that she is has sent him back out into the work force to make money so he's driving children around to school for various day cares. He's a good guy to do that, he's a great grampy and has a certain grampy-esque about him that kids can relate to. And I love my dad. He's the greatest.

Back to my mother.

So I go into the house this morning after picking up my father and taking him home, to say hello to the woman who gave me life. She's sitting on the bed, curling her hair and I notice right off...there's something wrong with her face. Hmm...what is it? Then she looks at me.

Oh, dear God, she's started to draw on herself!!!

She took her eyeliner pencil and drew in her eyebrows. My mother, who has very light eyebrows, and very little hair, which she dyes blond, has decided that her eyebrows are non-existent and feels she should correct this by drawing in, using BLACK EYELINER, brand spanking new eyebrows.

She looks hideous!!

But mum and I have a love/hate relationship. Whenever we're within 10 feet of each other, the backs are up and claws are ready to come out. She's overly critical of everything I do, and I am the same with her. So when I look at her with what was I'm sure, a very furrowed brow of my own, she said: "STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT...WHAT?????? WHAT'S WRONG???"

"Nothing! I'm not saying a thing 'cuz you'll get mad at me!"

"No I won't! Just tell me what's wrong!"

Ok..she asked for it!!

"What the hell did you do to your eyebrows??"

"Shut up Kelly!!"

Do I leave it alone. Of course not...I am HER daughter!!!

"I mean ... MUM! You look like Bozo the clown!! What did you do? You can't go out looking like THAT!!!" How's that for sensitive???

"Shut up (once is never enough)! I have no eyebrows so I had to colour them in!"

"Using WHAT???", I ask.

"Black eyeliner", she replies as if it was the most ridiculous question in the world.

My eyes bugged out, I simply shook my head and giggled softly to myself. Then I look at her and tell her she needs to at the very least blend the line. Seriously...straight, black line, over her eye.

By this time, she's really annoyed with me and I'm feeling that my welcome in my childhood home is quickly fading. My father is out in the kitchen making his breakfast so I go have a few words with him before I come home to start my day.

"Daddy, how long has she been drawing on herself??" I ask.

He giggles.

"You can't let her leave the house like that, she looks ridiculous!!"

Laughter..."What do you want me to do about it!"

And right there, ladies and gentlemen is why my mother does exactly what she wants, when she wants to whom she wants. There is no one to stand up to her when she's being irrational, stupid, mean, or ridiculous.

Except me, and that's why we have the love/hate relationship. She's the woman who gave me life, and for that, as a daughter...I have to love her. But man, does she make it hard to like her!

Facebook

The computer age is something isn't it? We can find out anything....about almost everyone ever born online. And those of us who love playing on the computer know this and we willingly put ourselves out there.

Enter Facebook.

You could spend hours searching out the boy who in the 6th grade took you on your first real date to a movie, hand-holding included, or a classmate from elementary school who moved away but you never forgot, or you could search out the people who have the same name as you and wonder if they had the same humiliating nick-names you had.

Either way, Facebook is here and it's a riot. I love reading what everyone is doing with their lives, what their views are on things, how many friends they have, and share pictures of what their lives have been like to this point. Some are living simple lives, like me...the daily grind, work/pay bills/squeeze in some fun when finances and time allow. Other have taken a big ol' bite out of life and are gobbling it up.

It is these people I am jealous of.

I used to be a person who was all for going out, having a good time, etc., etc.. Now, thinking of a venture to go out is exhausting. Babysitters, working the extra shifts to afford a decent night out, keeping up with the house work so that any babysitter we get doesn't report us for having young children living in a home where the dog hair is truly the beast in control, and then-for me-it's the pouring myself into an outfit that doesn't look frumpy, that can hide the ++ pounds I've accumulated since high school (21 years ago) and still feel good about myself.

See...exhausting.

Some day....I'll say "fuck it" and live large like I was meant to. In the meantime...I have young minds to mould and a marriage to lavish in. Besides...we have the best BBQs/water fights in the Atlantic Provinces, if not the whole country. Right now...it doesn't get much better than that!

:-P

Time....

As I quickly approach my 39th year, I've been reflecting on many things about what 39 years actually is. Sound philosophical? God help me, I've become one of those people who reflect...on everything.

For example: My children! Ryan will be turning 7 on Sunday. Wasn't it just yesterday I was crying in my husbands arms because we weren't pregnant yet? Wasn't it just last week we drove to Halifax to see the fertility specialist down there and they said there was no way we'd ever get pregnant unless we did IVF? No...it was a lifetime ago. Ryan's lifetime. My oldest baby is going to be 7 and for some reason, I'm having difficulty with this. I've been struggling with the growing up process where both children are concerned and instead of celebrating every mile-stone, I dread them and indeed, mourn more the loss of my beautiful infant boys. I so enjoyed the infant stage. That's not to say I'm not enjoying them now, but I loved the simplicity of that stage. All was right with them. They were protected by their mum and their dad. No one could hurt them. No one could make them feel bad about themselves. I loved that.

Now they are out there, meeting new people and absorbing all that they bring with them-good and bad. I cannot choose their friends, nor can I choose who they want to admire or emulate. Perhaps it's a control issue with me...I have been told that people think I want to be in control, though I don't see it. I just want people to be nice to each other, I don't want people to be stupid, and I want everyone to be happy. Anyway, as I as saying, these little creatures that I take no credit in creating for they were gifts from God are becoming their own little people, with their own likes and dislikes, their own ideas, feelings, fears and dreams. Nurturing their lives is an exercise in humility for me. I so want them to be vibrant, well adjusted people who are sure of themselves and are ready to face what life and all its cruelties throw at them. I guess time will tell if I've done well.

In the meantime, I go through my daily routines exhausted. Not only because I put in a full 8 hours at home before I go to work for 3:30 and put in another 8 hours. But because in my down time...the time I'm suppose to be sleeping and resting is when my Sean decides he wants his "mumma" and crawls in bed with me at the ungodliest hours. He's soft, he's warm, he's cuddly, I love the smell of his head ... and he still needs me. There will be days ahead when his crawling in bed with me will no longer be an issue and my sleeplessness will come not from him kicking me or poking me in the eye while he sleeps millimeters from me, but from waiting to hear the car door close, the key in the door, his footsteps down the hall to his bedroom and knowing that my child is safely home.

Jim Croce said it best: "If I could save time in a bottle..."

I've lost it...

Let me set this up...

It's early (much earlier than I'm used to getting up) and I'm driving the boys to school. I drop Ryan off, with lots of hug, kisses and well wishes for the day.

Well done, Kelly. One down...one to go.

Then it's off to playschool for Sean. We head down Whitepine Rd. towards Unicorn Children's Centre and on the way, I see that the street that I would be going down to get back home after dropping Sean off is blocked due to construction (a sure sign that Spring is here). So I make a mental note; don't go the back way home, go down the main drag and up around.

So I drop off my precious 5 year old and after giving him his morning hugs, kisses and well wishes (along with some blown kisses for good measure) I head out, remembering that I can't go home the regular way. So I head down for the main drag, and my mind starts. Yep...I start going into my own little world. I have my tea that I steeped and put in my travel mug, I have Chris de Burgh singing to me, the sun is shining for the first time in a fortnight and all's right with the world. I'm driving along...singing my song...drinking my tea and...wait a minute!! Where the hell am I going??

Before I knew it, I was on the causeway headed for Moncton. Seriously...not in the turning lane, not on the off ramp. No sir. ON the causeway. I say to myself: well...there were really no words for what I was thinking.

It reminded me of the time my beloved grandmother got lost on her way back to the Valley. She had left Riverview and was headed back home, like she'd done many times before and said she'd call when she got home. Four hours passed, (the usual travel time from our house to hers)... no Nanny. Then 5...and 6. My mother was a wreck, thinking her mum had landed herself on the side of the road and was alone, hurt and scared.

Not true!!

My grandmother was in her own little world, singing "How Great Thou Art" on her 8 track in her little car and had missed the turn off for Halifax & the Valley. The province had just constructed a new highway, and this was her first time heading back home on the new one. My little white haired, pleasant, sweet, carefree Nanny had landed herself in Cape Breton. She eventually made it home...only it took her nearly double the time to do so. Bless her heart, she did call when she got home and when my mother asked her what happened, she simply replied she took a wrong turn and that she was having a lovely drive and singing her heart out. She was none the worse for wear.

She was a cutie. I miss my Nanny...may she rest in peace.

So now I'm back home, sitting at the computer and still listening to Chris de Burgh and waiting to hang out laundry. How much trouble can I get into doing that??...xo

Tuesday--May 22nd

It's just like me to find something cool (like my own blog) and have fun with it a bit, then...nothing.

So here it is...May...and it's a whopping 7 degrees CELCIUS out there. Our summers get shorter and shorter. Stupid Global Warming. Things have improved somewhat since Oct/06, but I still have a hard time wondering why it's so hard, so often?? I remember being in my teens and even in my 20s thinking that by the time I reached my late 30's-early 40's that I'd have my life figured out.

I dont'.

There's still so much I don't know about myself and this journey just continues. I'm not the old Kelly and that's not to say that that's a good thing. The old Kelly was a hoot. Not to say that I'm not funny, because I am. But I just seem to be weighed down...like gravity has concentrated so much more of its efforts on my shoulders and that's what I'm carrying around with me. It's not fun. The worse thing is, I know it. And I'm a smart girl, I can do something about it. I'm also a bit of a lazy girl and I'm tired of doing the hard thing and I now want things to come easy to me.

Again, I'm a smart girl. I know that anything worth having is worth the hard work to get there.

It'll come. I'm sure it'll come...in time.

Until then, I'm still wearing my slipper, I'm freezing my ass off and even though fall and winter are my favourite seasons...I want some warmth....just for a bit!!! Pleeeze!!!!